so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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