I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
