sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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