Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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