im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
