idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
