i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
