my being single is dangerous.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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