he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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