I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
