I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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