omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
