Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
