I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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