lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
