if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I forgot how hot balto sounded
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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