so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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