If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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