how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
