Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
