all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
