I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
