Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
