fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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