3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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