I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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