Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
