1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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