Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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