In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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