So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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