I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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