The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
