They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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