Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the condom got lost in my hair
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
