Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
