Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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