If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
