omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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