my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
