This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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