Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
