what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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