***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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