Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
