Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
