Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
