i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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