Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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