Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
