Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
