I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
