Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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