i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
